So I Know That I Shouldn’t Feel Like a Loser, But…

So lately I’ve been kinda of losing myself in the fear of life, OK I know that’s not very specific, but it’s one of those things that’s hard to explain. I I’ve been sitting down to think, to really think and answer the hard questions like;

Q:What are you doing about this school situation?

A:Man I really hate school but I should be logical about this, I should mix business with pleasure, major in hospitality, minor art. yea that’s a smart decision.

Q: Am i smart enough for this?

A: Well after years of thinking I was just an idiot that couldn’t keep up, I found that I may just have a mild case of dyslexia, so maybe I’m not a total idiot. I think I just need to be more determined more motivated and less lazy. 

Q: So where you gonna live??

A: As badly as I wanna get out of my house, who can afford campus housing or rent? Yes i want the experience of being on my own, but seriously where is this money coming from? So I guess I should save my self the money and sacrifice a little of the true college experience by commuting.

Q: ugh Seriously, where is this money coming from?

A:Ha ha I mean I could always go back to that sugar daddy idea… nah the boyfriend would get mad. so how long will I be poor if get loans, how will this effect my “hey screw renting i wanna buy a house” idea? there’s a lot I need to learn in regards to loans and paying them back and mortgages and owning vs renting.

Q: Am i really going to stay in NJ forever? whens a good time to get out?

A: aha Florida…must …have …warm! idk what I’m doing.

Q:Why do i feel like a loser again?

A: I’ll be 21 in 23 days and I feel like so many of my friends are making progress in theirs lives, and I am not making progress as much as I’d like. i just don’t wanna be seen as one of the few that ain’t doing shit. I also have a lot of friends that are stuck in time,sitting around mooching off loved ones making little effort to make something of themselves.  I don’t wanna get stuck in time.

 so I’ve decided that I just need to make a very detailed plan and stick to it, I’m pretty sure I got this. But I can’t help but be afraid that I’ll let my self down

 

 

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~ by Connie on November 5, 2012.

2 Responses to “So I Know That I Shouldn’t Feel Like a Loser, But…”

  1. You are going though what every responsible adult goes through at some point in their life. Hell, I’m married, with a house, with a job, have my degree and still wonder about some of the above questions: should i move into a new house that could possibly support a growing family?, should i go back for my master’s degree…..where the hell am i going to get money to do any of this?!!!! That’s always the big question. However, designing a realistic plan and sticking to it is a definite first step and a major motivator! Having people that can help you through the process as well is a must have. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice from a lot of different people in all different stages of their life. Weigh what they have to say against where you want to be in your life, make a decision and work at it! I am a firm believer that you can do anything you set your mind to, but you also may need that “kick in the pants” to get you started. I’m always here if you need anything or need advice or just someone to talk to!! 🙂

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